Back Alley: A Visit with the Mystery Cats

Mr. Bond, the Danger Cat, is my bedtime buddy. He usually strolls up to my side, pads the mattress for a moment, and when I tell him “That’s enough!” he curls up and purrs happily while I read. Binks, the Tiny Panther, is my bedtime hunter. He hunts for some page in my book that I haven't reached yet, and tries to make me flip the pages...right up until I toss him off the bed. But they both make the ritual of bedtime that much more satisfying and comforting.

These two lovely creatures are my current children. They are also my guardians, protecting me from vicious inch-long lizards, but not cockroaches (ew) or spiders (ew). They do, however, keep me well posted on communications from the mother ship.

You may be familiar with this phenomenon. Cats have amazing hearing, much better than yours or mine. And they pick up sounds that we, as mere mortal humans with only one life, could not even imagine. This is “speaking to the mother ship,” a phrase I have stolen from my mother, boldly and without conscience. The ears perk up and the cat comes to full attention. He sniffs at the air and points his head at some object located in the unseen or invisible distance, usually directly behind you and above your head. He stares at this point long enough and with enough intensity that you feel certain some hideous beast from the under world has materialized behind you and somehow has fit itself in the one-inch gap between your headboard and the wall. And, naturally, it is looking at you hungrily, drool running down from its fangs, claws clenching and unclenching as it dreams of rending your mortal flesh into…I think that’s enough of that.

Anyway, cats do that thing that makes you paranoid.

Binks and Mr. Bond are no different from any other cat in that respect. I have often awakened in the night to find one of them staring at me from on top of my stomach, watching as if to ensure I am really asleep and not about to spring upright under them. It does give me some temptation, I must admit. But if I were to do that, whichever cat was there would now be thoroughly spun and spend the rest of the night keeping me awake by attacking the other (possibly, but not probably, innocent) one.

So, to their adventures! Binks and Mr. Bond have other personalities. I am certain of this because I have occasionally caught them in the act of being the other person. Binks, or Tiny Panther, is literally a tiny panther in his subconscious. This regal beast alternately sits atop a high mound overseeing his realm, and roams the jungles of some exotic island hunting minor creatures, ravaging the carcasses and leaving the bones to warn other creatures that the Great King has been here. (The real Binks sits on my vanilla sofa with his black fur, shedding constantly, and hunts plastic bags, leaving me “presents” on the floor in the middle of the night. Use your imagination, you’ll get there.)

Mr. Bond’s alternate personality is Danger Cat. Danger Cat is a master of the intrigue game who has his very own tuxedo which he wears absolutely everywhere. He loves to steal into a hidden alcove and waylay passing missives from other International Spy Organizations. He is fearless and has endless stamina, able to race the wind and storm the palace in one breath. Needless to say, he is irresistible to the lovely female spies from every organization around the world. (The real Mr. Bond loves to hide in the closet, managing to get into it with only a 2-second window of entry, no matter where he was when the door opened—NASA could learn something from him. He waits for me to hang or remove my garment and close the door; then, in about 10 minutes starts to push at the door and jiggle it until he hits it just right and it opens. He loves to wait “in hiding” for Binks to stroll unwarily by and pounce on him. He waits until I am distracted and curls himself around my shoes, “loving” the laces with his paws and fangs until the blasted strings are useless tangles of fuzz. He is irresistible to any person who enters my humble abode. He is not afraid of people at all, and happily climbs onto anyone’s lap, rolling around and forcing them to pet him.)

So, these are the Mystery Cats and their alter egos. They’ll be around Mim’s Cottage on occasion. Being cats, they have endless lives that cover many eons of Earth history, so of course they fit right in with Mim. Come by and visit for a “spell.”

Kiernen - Chapter 3

Southeast. That’s what I understood to be the general direction of Mim’s Cottage. About a week’s travel southeast and through the high terrain. I didn’t know what else lay between Mim and me, but I knew the high terrain would lead to the frightful forest from all the legends.

The map I took didn’t give finite detail, just general information about the area. There’s a mountain here and over there is a lake. This line is the limits of Frestan Township. That’s where Eidero and I lived, Frestan Township. I hoped we’d both see it again.

It was dark and I was traveling alone, except for a very peculiar squirrel. I planned to walk as far as I could the first night and secure other transport if possible in the daylight. I got as far as the far edge of the Township before I met up with any other travelers.

It was not a happy meeting.

Two people were walking down the road towards me. They appeared to be walking arm in arm, like lovers. My Elven eyes could see it was a man and a woman, and they appeared to be middle-aged in the darkness. They were moving slowly, and as we got closer to each other, it became clear that they were supporting each other.

Then I noticed their feet. I had seen people with bad burns before. I thought I’d seen the worst that could be, with the victim still alive. I don’t know how the couple managed to stand at all, much less walk however far they had walked. The flesh was charred so completely that I was sure I was looking at bone in places.

Realizing they couldn’t make it much farther, I rushed forward to help them. I had no idea what I could do for them, but I had to do something. The nearest house was at least half an hour’s walk on good feet.

I helped them to the roadside where I had them sit down. Now that I saw them up close, I recognized them as people from the Township—a farmer and his wife who were always kind and open with their home to any traveler who needed aide. I could not imagine what could have happened to cause their injuries.

“Mishe, Telor. What happened? How did you get so burned?”

Mishe answered. “A man came to the farm. He said he needed water for his horse. We gave it to him and offered him shelter. He thanked us and left. We saw him leave by the southeast road. He left…”

“Mishe, stop,” Telor cut in. “You’re in no condition. We did see him leave, but when Mishe went to the barn to feed the animals, the man was back. He didn’t have his horse, and he seemed different somehow. But it was him. He attacked Mishe and made him come up to the house. He forced his way into our home and took what little money we had. I don’t understand; we offered to help him and he said no…then he came back…”

“Telor, why did he come back? He came back to take your money? Is that when he burned your feet?”

“No, Kiernen. That’s when he blew up the fireplace. He did something, said something. Neither of us could move. He knocked us down and laid us out on the floor with our feet in the fireplace. He spoke from the door, and the fireplace roared. Ugh…”

“Telor!” Telor had toppled over and now lay on the ground moaning. “Telor, stay awake, please! I’ll get you help. I have to find help.”

I stood there, staring at Mishe and Telor, not knowing what to do. Zino climbed out of my pack and moved over to a small stand of brush. He chittered and rustled around in the brush and waited for me to figure it out. I got it. I’d seen Eidero help a wounded man once by building a lean-to out of brush and making him more comfortable while he found a sage who could heal him. I knew the basics of how to make the lean-to. I thought about building them a fire, but changed my mind. The night was fairly mild, and I didn’t want them to wake and be frightened by a fire so close. Besides, if the man came back, who knew what else he might do.

I made them as comfortable as I could. I put Eidero’s cape over Mishe and my own over Telor. I left them some of the bread I had taken with me, and I headed back up the road at a full run. I knew where the nearest healer was; it would only take a few minutes at the pace I could run unburdened. I had left my pack with the couple. I had also left Zino—with instructions to chew the ankles off anyone who threatened them.

A quarter hour later I was pounding loudly on a tree at the edge of a lake. Dulabi lived in these woods, and everyone who spent any time here knew how to get her to come out. “Dulabi, come out! They’re hurt! Mishe, Telor, they need you! Dulabi!”

“Child, you should hope there are no bears out here with the noise you’re making. Who is hurt and where? I see no blood on you…” Dulabi, the old Wolfkin healer who tended this part of the forest, came from under the branches of a tree and stood up from all fours. She often went through the forest on all four feet, like a full wolf out on a hunt. But she always stood up on two legs to speak to human-size people. “Who needs my help?”

“Mishe and Telor. A man came and burned their feet in a fire. They walked almost to town. I made them a shelter on the southeast road. Please, hurry. I don’t know how long they’ll last. The burns are the worst I’ve ever seen.”

Dulabi didn’t ask any more questions. She went back down on all fours and loped off through the woods faster than I could go. I followed as quickly as I could. She found them easily and was already tending them when I arrived, out of breath and too strung out to think anymore. So, I was somewhat unprepared when I saw her on all fours next to Telor, licking her feet.

I ran forward and shoved her away from Telor’s damaged feet. I called her a savage and swore to defend the wounded couple with my own life. That’s when he came out of the woods. I thought he was a full wolf. He loped forward and knocked me onto my rump on the ground. I was being held down by what felt like a million pounds of muscle and fur. His teeth shone in the moonlight as he swooped down and clamped my throat—not hard, just enough pressure to keep me from moving.

“Levh ovh. Sje musj ke’ da fesj.” Amazingly, I understood him. “Leave off. She must clean the flesh.” Later, we joked about how hard it was to speak with someone else’s throat between your teeth. For the moment, I lay still and tried to avoid causing the jaws to tighten on my throat. I had seen Forro fight before, when a band of brigands attacked the caravan Eidero and I were traveling with. Forro had come along as a guard. I never intended to be the one he was up against; not after watching that event.

Dulabi spent a few minutes licking the feet of the couple, then she started circling them, huffing, and woofing softly. At one point, a break in the clouds revealed more of the moon and Dulabi stood up tall and bayed with a soulful wail. I started, and Forro tightened his grip on my throat. I would have promised not to interfere if I could have spoken, but I was too afraid the movement would cause him to bite down harder. So, I waited and wondered just what Dulabi was doing. I wished at the very least that Zino could give me a running narrative, but being a squirrel, I doubt I would have understood him.

Eventually, the circling and chanting ceased and Dulabi lay down between the two farmers. She seemed to have fallen asleep. Forro decided it was safe to release me, but told me not to touch Dulabi or the couple. He sat down at their feet and watched over them.

“Lie down and rest while you can,” he said. “I can see you intend to travel, but this is not a good time to start. You should wait until morning when I have had a chance to help Dulabi bring Telor and Mishe to her grove. Then I can aide you. I think you will need it. You are, after all, only a silly wizardling. You will need protection.”

I cleared my throat, feeling chaffed by his bold comment. Surely, I was no master wizard, but that was no reason to taunt me or belittle me. Even Eidero got more respect than that when face-to-face with people.

“You’re assistance would be welcome,” I replied, “but only if you could refrain from speaking your opinions of my ability. You do not know me well enough to have the faintest idea of my skill with the Powers. How would you feel if I said you were an inadequate warrior without ever having seen you fight?”

Dulabi made a soft wuffing noise, almost like a stifled chuckle, and Forro looked abashed. I think he looked abashed, anyway. He seemed to pause and rethink, then spoke again. “I meant no disrespect towards your abilities. I merely wished to note that you have not completed your training, and I see you are traveling without your brother. And you appear to be in a hurry. Both of these facts suggest some danger is present in your circumstance. I wished only to aide one who has been a good client in the past.”

He paused a moment, then added, “May I ask, Kiernen…Where is Eidero? Why are you fleeing in the night without him?”

Finally, all my fear and desperation reached the surface and I crumbled into a frightened youth. I could not speak yet, not with a lump in my throat the size of a melon. But I finally managed to tell Forro of the Gnome who attacked Eidero and that I was going to see Mim to get help.

Forro turned this information over in his mind. “It seems I was underestimating your urgency. I would say we should continue on, but Dulabi and the others must rest tonight, and we must get them to the grove in the morning. There Dulabi can tend them more carefully. While I am there, you can visit their nearest neighbor and ask them to care for the farm for now. When you return to the grove, you and I will start out for Mim’s Cottage. Will you accept this plan, and will you accept my aide?”

“Forro,” I said around a much larger lump, “I would be honored to accept your aide. And I thank you deeply for your kindness and willingness to help.”

And that is how I came to travel to Mim’s Cottage with the company of a stranger squirrel and a Wolfkin Warrior.