Monday, August 08, 2005

Back Alley: A Visit with the Mystery Cats

Mr. Bond, the Danger Cat, is my bedtime buddy. He usually strolls up to my side, pads the mattress for a moment, and when I tell him “That’s enough!” he curls up and purrs happily while I read. Binks, the Tiny Panther, is my bedtime hunter. He hunts for some page in my book that I haven't reached yet, and tries to make me flip the pages...right up until I toss him off the bed. But they both make the ritual of bedtime that much more satisfying and comforting.

These two lovely creatures are my current children. They are also my guardians, protecting me from vicious inch-long lizards, but not cockroaches (ew) or spiders (ew). They do, however, keep me well posted on communications from the mother ship.

You may be familiar with this phenomenon. Cats have amazing hearing, much better than yours or mine. And they pick up sounds that we, as mere mortal humans with only one life, could not even imagine. This is “speaking to the mother ship,” a phrase I have stolen from my mother, boldly and without conscience. The ears perk up and the cat comes to full attention. He sniffs at the air and points his head at some object located in the unseen or invisible distance, usually directly behind you and above your head. He stares at this point long enough and with enough intensity that you feel certain some hideous beast from the under world has materialized behind you and somehow has fit itself in the one-inch gap between your headboard and the wall. And, naturally, it is looking at you hungrily, drool running down from its fangs, claws clenching and unclenching as it dreams of rending your mortal flesh into…I think that’s enough of that.

Anyway, cats do that thing that makes you paranoid.

Binks and Mr. Bond are no different from any other cat in that respect. I have often awakened in the night to find one of them staring at me from on top of my stomach, watching as if to ensure I am really asleep and not about to spring upright under them. It does give me some temptation, I must admit. But if I were to do that, whichever cat was there would now be thoroughly spun and spend the rest of the night keeping me awake by attacking the other (possibly, but not probably, innocent) one.

So, to their adventures! Binks and Mr. Bond have other personalities. I am certain of this because I have occasionally caught them in the act of being the other person. Binks, or Tiny Panther, is literally a tiny panther in his subconscious. This regal beast alternately sits atop a high mound overseeing his realm, and roams the jungles of some exotic island hunting minor creatures, ravaging the carcasses and leaving the bones to warn other creatures that the Great King has been here. (The real Binks sits on my vanilla sofa with his black fur, shedding constantly, and hunts plastic bags, leaving me “presents” on the floor in the middle of the night. Use your imagination, you’ll get there.)

Mr. Bond’s alternate personality is Danger Cat. Danger Cat is a master of the intrigue game who has his very own tuxedo which he wears absolutely everywhere. He loves to steal into a hidden alcove and waylay passing missives from other International Spy Organizations. He is fearless and has endless stamina, able to race the wind and storm the palace in one breath. Needless to say, he is irresistible to the lovely female spies from every organization around the world. (The real Mr. Bond loves to hide in the closet, managing to get into it with only a 2-second window of entry, no matter where he was when the door opened—NASA could learn something from him. He waits for me to hang or remove my garment and close the door; then, in about 10 minutes starts to push at the door and jiggle it until he hits it just right and it opens. He loves to wait “in hiding” for Binks to stroll unwarily by and pounce on him. He waits until I am distracted and curls himself around my shoes, “loving” the laces with his paws and fangs until the blasted strings are useless tangles of fuzz. He is irresistible to any person who enters my humble abode. He is not afraid of people at all, and happily climbs onto anyone’s lap, rolling around and forcing them to pet him.)

So, these are the Mystery Cats and their alter egos. They’ll be around Mim’s Cottage on occasion. Being cats, they have endless lives that cover many eons of Earth history, so of course they fit right in with Mim. Come by and visit for a “spell.”

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